The Initiative

Today I start a journey I like to call The Initiative. I know this sounds silly and maybe it's the LOST freak in me, but I like it (and that's all that matters, right?). This Initiative is one that will hopefully change how I live my life. It will include a drastic makeover of eating habits and exercising my tail off.....literally HA!
I've been thinking about this awhile and I've been waiting around. On what you ask...I'm not sure. I had a list of excuses including but not limited to: I'm fine with the way I look, it's just everyone else who has a problem with it; My health is fine, in fact my cholesterol is perfect according to the Doc; I don't have enough time/money, etc and it goes on.....
I also kept telling myself that the only reason I would get skinny would be to get a man and because I had that attitude I shouldn't do anything about it. Ridiculous. Thinking on these things reveals the selfishness in my heart. And it makes me sick. It's time to change.
I realize I cannot do this. I cannot change myself with sheer willpower. As much as I wish it was, my life is not a Disney movie. Jiminy Cricket is wrong- just because I wish it and dream it doesn't mean it will happen. No, this can only happen by the grace of God. My good works and all my best intentions without Jesus are worthless: Isaiah 64:6 says, "All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away." Compared to the life of Christ, mine does not measure up. This is why the Gospel is such Good News. I don't have to live the perfect life because Jesus already did. He traded his perfect life and righteousness for ALL my sin and shame. It is only by this beautiful truth that change can happen in my life.
I also know that I can't sit by and expect God to change me from my post on the couch in front of my big screen. Oh no. I have to make an effort :) Part of my plan includes eating a ginormous salad everyday at lunch. I know what you're thinking...that's gonna get really old. But I have high hopes of my creativity kicking in and making that salad a fun part of my day. I got the initial idea from here: http://www.canyoustayfordinner.com/2011/12/14/how-to-make-a-delicious-400-calorie-salad/ . This is a wonderful blog, but this particular post talks about the salad-for-lunch plan.
Exercising is also part of the initiative. I'm kind of doing this on my own and relying on my athletic self to shine through for me. You see, I LOVE the way I feel after I work out. I just have to get myself to start the workout. And it's starting. Monday and Tuesday afternoons. Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday mornings. I have a date with the YMCA. If you see me elsewhere during these times feel free to call me out :) The jury is still out for the weekend and how I should handle that. Suggestions are welcome.
Finally, I wanted to give you all a glimpse into not my motivation but I guess my dream of what God could do with this. I see myself hiking and actually liking it in the future. I'd love to learn to surf and partake in other oceanic activities. I'd love to be able to sit indian style on an airplane and read an awesome book. I'd love to go dancing and not sweat through my clothes. These are just a few things I look forward to...I'll be adding to this periodically.
I hope you all have a blessed Tuesday and I hope and pray that you see the Gospel today in your lives.

What will I do??? NO....Who will I be!!!!!

I know it's been a looooong time since I have updated the wonderful blog. Since the last blog, I have graduated from college. Yes! I did not get the Passion internship, however I did get an internship with the Missouri Baptist Convention working in youth ministry. I get to do life with some of the most amazing people on the planet. We did Super Summer (youth camp) at the beginning of the summer. It was so great. The Lord brought me to a place where I was angry, crazy enough. We talked alot about Isaiah 6 at camp and I got so mad at the Lord. I felt like I had been saying "Here am I send me!" for about 4 years now and He wasn't telling me what to do. It was a hard realization that I can't operate on my time. I HAVE to operate on His time. God has also taught me alot about prayer and restoration and hating sin and wanting it out of my life forever. All in all, it's been so wonderful. I have some of the coolest new brothers and sisters- Joe, Colin, Ryan, Chelsea, and Abby and of course Mom and Dad (Angela and Jeff) and Papa (Matt) and Julie! And of course little baby bro Micah! We're one big family and these people will always be a part of my life. This coming week we're going to Kirksville to hang out with Gene Austin and his wife and then it's on to St. Louis for The Project. I'm pretty pumped!
Many people keep asking me what I'm doing after this and I have no clue. Some days that's okay, other days I'm not okay with not knowing and it's hard. I do know that the Lord wants me to figure out who I am in Him before He tells me what I'm going to do. I think this is something huge that I have to conquer....feel free to pray for me about that.
Side note: my BFF Mallory is in South Africa for about another month, please pray for her and the ministry that's going on there. Also, I spent last summer in Senegal, West Africa and there are semester missionaries there right now that need prayer for their ministry as well.
Well, I think that about sums up everything, hopefully I'll update again soon. Love, love!

Well, well......33 days and counting my friends....then I'm a free woman...or so I think. College will be over and I couldn't be more ready or more not ready at the same time. So many things are going on and it's hard to choose where to begin...I'm supposed to find out TOMORROW if I get my dream internship or not....i'm starting to think not because my dad says that it's not the best thing for me right now. which is extremely frustrating. He says that the Lord has something bigger for me. Which I know that God has plans for my life and they are most likely bigger than what I can imagine, but i really think this internship would be a step in the right direction. So that's that....i'll keep you updated about what happens. Next, my show. Originally, my show was to be on the 7th of April, I found out last week it was scheduled for the 1st of April as in THIS tuesday....well that wasn't going to work out so we moved it to the 25th of April. I'm getting stressly excited about it....I have all my pieces now I just have to fix all the announcements and all that fun stuff. I feel like I'm sitting on a volcano that's about to erupt and there's nothing I can do about it....I went to a concert this past weekend. One of the bands was Sanctus Real....never really heard their music before but they were pretty good. One of their songs though....the Lord wrote it for me I think. And i'm not usually one to put up song lyrics and say read this....this is what i'm feeling....but read this...this is what i'm feeling...haha!


It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender
(Chorus)
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly
Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...
(Chorus)
Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly
It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time breathe in and let everything out


So in conclusion, whatever the Lord is doing....it feels crazy, but it's much bigger than me and that's really awesome and I'm giving in to it.

Gotta <3 It

This time last year I was writhing in self-pity, wondering if I'd ever get a man. This year, I'd be writhing in pain if I did have a man. It was a year of learning and growing. No big surprise. You should be worried if you haven't learned anything since last year. And growing....growing in the Lord is huge. I feel like I've done that. He has taught me alot about patience and being used where I am. The Lord is faithful and good....and I'm so glad I know Him.
Back to what I was talking about.....I meet with this amazing group of girls...no, women, on Tuesdays and yesterday we talked about finding your mate and how you know if it's right and what that looks like. It was good stuff....I couldn't help noticing that every single one of us is ready to find that someone, but I found myself asking the Lord to hold off a little bit. At least until I'm somewhere where I'm gonna be for more than 3 months. The Lord chuckled. He was like, Jenny, what makes you think I'll hold off for YOU.....how bout we do this in my time. Then I chuckled. Who am I to ask the creator of the universe to hold off bringing Mr. Right in my life. Bring him on!!! haha. Anywho, like I said the Lord is good and faithful. I'm excited for what He has in store for the next few weeks. It's gonna be good.....I can feel it.

Frustration....but the Lord is good!

Here I sit in my lovely apartment...wondering what the Lord holds for me next. Or rather, what am I going to be doing for the Lord next. I realize I haven't blogged in quite a while...and I'm sad about this. So here we go. Senior year has been interesting this year. I realize this term is pretty vague, and that's because this year has been just that: vague. It's been a cloud of mystery and a time of looking back on a week and wondering where did all the time go? It's been hanging out with friends, and no offenses guys, wondering....wow do I EVER hang out with anyone else? Sometimes I feel like I've reverted back to middle school, whispering in the cafeteria hoping no one else will see for the person I really am. It's been a semester of struggling with art and creativity and wondering if I really have a gift or have I been faking it this whole time. But I think ultimately it's been a time of messing up but then God just swoops in and picks me right back up.
Over the past few years, the Lord has taught me alot about Himself and relationships and myself and all kinds of broad subjects like that. But this year he's been teaching me in the everyday grind, whispering in my ear at random moments of the day, hey Jenny how bout you let me have that friendship, or even hey jenny how bout you let me help you study for that test, or Jenny, I love you! God is so good and He knows me perfectly.
I think that's all I have for now, but rest assured I'll be writing more very soon!

Foreign America

So, I've been back in America for a week now. And it's okay. Last week when I landed in New York I wasn't sure if it was going to be okay. There were so many people speaking English and I felt like I had to listen to every single person simply because I could. Well, then I had a delayed flight and finally made it back to the South. Well, Delta lost my amazing basket that had lots of stuff in it. I had to put in a report and then we just had to wait. My parents and I spent the night in Atlanta then made our way back to our new home in South Carolina. I love our new house! It's so cute. I love my new room. It's pretty cool. So, of course while all of this was going on I had tons of processing going on and along with that many people staring oddly at my right hand that happens to have quite a bit of henna on it. All of it was pretty overwhelming like I've mentioned before. I never had a breakdown or anything, just a missing of Senegal and a missing of all the amazing people that I came in contact with over there. Along with all of this, I've asked myself the question, What in the world am I doing after college? Seminary has become a big option along with interning somewhere to get photography experience. That's my top at the moment....but as we all know things change and that is still a whole year away. As for now, I'm looking forward to spending the rest of the summer with my parents in the South and visiting the rest of my family in a few weeks. Then I get to move in at school where I'll be living with 3 of the most amazing girls that attend HLG!!!!!

Finish Well

Sorry it's been so long since I've written. We've been pretty busy here. Last week I did some painting work in a missionary's kitchen...not exactly why I came here but it's okay. While I was there, 2 Journeymen came to interview me: Emily and Justin. It went really well. Justin is a photographer. This is where it gets exciting. All he does is travel all over and take pictures of people on the field. Amazing. So I asked him how he got this gig. He was asked to do it. He started out doing an internship with the IMB and then they offered him that position. There are only 2 Journeymen photographers in the world. I've decided I'm going to be the 3rd!!!! Hahaha!! I'm so excited. So anyway, that was fun and we talked alot about what I should do now to prepare. I painted some the next day at my house and he came and took some pics. I'm gonna paint more today. On Tuesday we all left for a getaway to Saly. It was so nice. We stayed in little bungalows by the beach and relaxed. We went to a game park and that was way fun. Now we're back in the village and we have one more week left with our family. I feel so overwhelmed of how much I feel like we should do before we leave. I feel like I should be shouting about Jesus and how He is the only way.....but our family isn't ready for that. We haven't showed the Jesus film yet because both times we've tried the power has gone out...but we're gonna try tonight! We're going to Cayer on Wednesday to meet with the Lebou believers. I'm excited about that because it will be like seeing fruit from people along time ago doing what I"m doing now: breaking new ground in N'Gor. So, it's been crazy and the L0rd is doing His work and I come home soon!